just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize