Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance

(1-586): View more from Michigan

Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer

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(402): View more from Nebraska

she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl

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(204): View more from Manitoba

this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.

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(620): View more from Kansas

Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...

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(410): View more from Maryland

My mouth holds just enough water for my bong

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(601): View more from Mississippi

If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.

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(206): View more from Washington

Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.

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(315): View more from New York

OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?

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