I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
