One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
