Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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