When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
