I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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