i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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