part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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