i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
