508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
