i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
