I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
