In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
