my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
