So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i dont even know how to be here
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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