Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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