For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
