Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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