i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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