I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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