White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
