Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize