It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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