is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Randomize
