I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
