Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
