As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
