She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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