shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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