I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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