I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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