sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
