guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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