I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
