hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
