Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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