I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
