The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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