Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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