Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
