dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
