Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
