she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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