If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize