physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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