Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
where are my eyebrows?
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