Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
