It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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