yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
smell my finger.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
