i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
