my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize