i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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