I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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