I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Couch. On fire.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
