Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
