WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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