Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
