I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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