Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
