my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
then he tried to convert me to islam
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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