Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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