Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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