matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
