what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
