if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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