I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
