i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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