I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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