is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
