The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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