The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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