Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
