i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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