well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
