Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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