Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
