I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
