I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
