I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This girl is more easily done than said...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
