I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
