this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
